Map of Mozamambwe as of 6 October 2005
Map of Mozamambwe as of 6 October 2005

Quick Facts
Head of State: Douglas Goncaluu Sununu
National Anthem: "Príncipe fresco de Bel-Air" (Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air)
Size: About the same size as the state of Wisconsin
Population: Estimates range between 21.5 million and 576 million (Former of the two is a Portuguese census, the latter the National Census of the Tranquil and Divine People of the Serene State that is the Caliphate of Mozambabwe as Mandated by His Divine Eminence Sununu)
Notable cities: Liberty City (No connection to GTA 4)
Languages Spoken: Portuguese, Mwomban
Threats to National Security: Mwomba, Secessionists, Tigers.

Mozambabwe is an African nation in southwestern Africa. A resource-rich nation, Mozambabwe was once known as "Lorem Ipsum." It was written of extensively by the Greek Philosopher Plato, who described modern-day Mozambabwe as a magical land inhabited by purple people who bled wine and ate gold.

In the Middle Ages, Mozambabwe was, in fact, two nations. It was called Mwomba-Akimbo. The division of the Kingdom of Mozambabwe-Akimbo following Portuguese colonization of Mozababwe has led to a bitter cultural rift between the two nations.


Douglas Goncaluu Sununu
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Since 1972, Mozambabwe has been ruled by a certain Douglas Goncaluu Sununu. The first sign that Sununu would position himself in a place of authority was during the Mozambabwian War of Independence. During time, a 11 year old Sununu would serve as a major in National Freedom Liberation Front for the Movement of Mozambabwian Self Sovereignty NFLFMMSS) He was attached to the "Bare-Butt Brigade" of the 1892nd Elite Airborne Tank Assault Fallschrimvolkswagon Cavalry Foot Guards of the Queen's Line Chasseurs A Cheval infantry division of the Armed forced of the NFLFMMSS.

After independence from Portugal in 1957 following the Mozambabwian War for independence, Mozambabwe became a fledgling democracy, the Democratic Federal Republic of Mozambabwe. Inacio Akimbo Jjimbingiga, the first president of Mozambabwe, appointed Sununu Chief Staff General Major of the Mozambabwian army. Following the death of Jjimbingiga (Generally accepted by historians to be of dubious nature) the Education minister came to power following a bloodless coup (No guns and shooting, a lot of pillows and smothering.) His name was Kunta Romano Kisibawabe who, with the teacher's unions of Mozambabwe, exerted great control over 1960s Mozambabwe. Kisibawabe made ties with the United States of America, and, during the Vietnam War, sent a contingent of 9 soldiers into the conflict. All 9 of these soldiers were killed following an unfortunate exchange of gunfire and claws regarding a Wild Bengal Tiger.

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The face of death.

In 1971, Sununu, along with the military, launched a coup d'etat against Kisibawabe. It is said that Sununu cut out Kisibawabe's heart himself with a bone knife, and ate it.

Consolidating Power:The First Mozambo-Mwomban War

On October 3, 1971, Sununu declared himself President of the Democratic Federal Republic of Mozambabwe. He continued the cultivation of the United States in order to receive military aid to fight neighboring Mwomba which had elected a leftist regime. Mwomba was a neutral nation in Cold War and attempted several times to broker peace agreements in African conflicts. Unfortunately, there would be no peace deal of any kind in the First Mozambo-Mwomban War due to Mwomba's notable lack of allies. Mwomba's love of peace essentially made her unwilling to accrue any allies that might drag her into war. This, in addition to Professor Renault DeVarennes' doctrine, first espoused at the Academie des affaires etrangeres de la Ville de Lille (The Degats doctrine, more commonly known as the "Nobody likes a sissy doctrine" states nobody likes perfectly peaceful nations--they're boring and are better incorporated into more interesting, bellicose nations) made Mwomba a nation without friends in the 1970s.

The war was fought on primarily Mwomban territory. The Mozambabwian military had a distinct aerial advantage throughout the conflict. Sununu had recently purchased a fleet of 9 helicopters from NBC. These helicopters would be loaded with grenadiers; literally men who tossed grenades off the sides of the ex-news helicopters. The Mwombans were routed and destroyed on numerous occasions. The reasons for the First Mozambo-Mwomban War were many. For one, Sununu's people were suspect of him following his coup d'etat. Secondly, Mwomba was a large source of diamonds in the region. (Mozambabwe, in fact, has a great deal more diamonds than Mwomba...this was not known until a Belgian mining company discovered it in 1978. Nobody had even checked prior to to the Belgians)



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Mozambabwe would employ unprecedented airpower against its enemies. Seen here: Only a third of the Mozambabwian Air Force.

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Nearly 10% of the Mozambabwian Air Force was deployed to target Mwomban Agriculture, as seen here.




Additionally, as with many African conflicts, Mwomba and Mozamabwe suffered differences regarding the living composition of their respective nations. Mozambabwe, for example, had a significant majority of Pink-Billed Flamingoes in the region. Given the the Pink-Billed Flamingo was the national bird of Mozambabwe, many in Mozambabwian society were determined to annex and incorporate parts of Mwomba, whose minority of Pink-Billed flamingoes should have been, in the eyes of many in Mozambabwe, Mozambabwian. The terrible cost of war exacted on the Mwombans is all the more tragic given the turn of events domestically in Mozambabwe shortly after the conclusion of a peace treaty in 1973. The National Bird was switched to the Blue Jay (which it must be noted, is not native to Mozambabwe. this factual error was perpetuated by the character of Zazoo in The Lion King)

International reaction to the conflict was limited at best:

President of the United States of America, Richard M. Nixon: "Remind me later. Running a nation's big business. I need to use the restroom. Talk to you later. buh-bye."
Prime Minister Edward Heath: "Mozambabwe? Mwomba? Are those even real countries?"
President of the Republic of France, George Pompidou: "Je veux bien manger un croissant ce matin...je ne suis pas sur si je devrait l'avoir avec du beure ou des fraises. C'est une vraie question, toute ca...et cela m'est bien egal..." Note: The contents has been assumed to be so inconsequential in regards to the situation in Mwomba, that nobody has ever bothered translating it from French.
General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, Leonid Brezhnev: "Kill the capitalist pig-dogs! The greedy swine of the decadent West will fall under a tide of red! Myaaaaaahhhhhhhhh(sic)! We will crush you! We don't need dishwashers, blow dryers or kitchen stoves! The Proletariat cooks with the white hot ardor that is the love of the commune! The State!"

Building a nation: Mozambabwe following the First Mozambo-Mwomban War
Following his ascension into the presidency, Sununu began to request military aid from the United States of America to finance its campaign against Bolshevik insurgents operating in the south. Unfortunately, the United States did not comply after a senate committee established that these "Communist Insurgents" were African baboons that were endangered in the region. This would lead to a cooldown in Mozambo-American relations.

Following it's brutal campaign against the Mwombans, Mozambabwe was a nation without allies. With aspirations of establishing a port to project Mozambabwian naval power, Sununu would buckle beneath the strings attacked to US aid. In 1973, Sununu joiined the OPEC nations in the oil embargo of the United States of America, concurrently expelling all American (5.3 according to Mozambabwian statistics) advisers from Mozambabwe. In an unprecedented display of defiance, Mozambabwe changed its name to: the Federal Democratic Socialist Republic of Mozambabwe (The FDSRM versus the previous DFRM.)






























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Disclaimer: Mozambabwe is not a real country. Any relation to any country happens to be pure coincidence.